You can pass over this post if you want

I just wanted to put a few of my feelings down in writing and what better place then this?!

As you know we have now had our appointments with Dr Rosier (Our Paed) , Dr Lowe (Our Rehab Specialist) and most recently (On Monday) Hilary (Our new Physio from DADHC). These have all happened quite fast in the scheme of things, people usually wait 4 - 6 months plus to see these people . We have been very fortunate in that respect. Today I got the phone call from The Canberra Hospital that Zachary will now have his MRI on Friday December 19th. I guess with everything moving along and with Christmas etc I haven't really taken much time to sit and ponder but after the call today I think things started to sink in and really hit home.

'My gorgeous little boy has Cerebral Palsy'

Things started going through my mind.....'Why him?!' 'How will this effect our life?' 'How will this effect his life?' 'What would have things been like if.......'. You know those questions that we all ask ourselves at times. I know no one really has any answers to any of these at this time. Being only 18 months old it is still quite hard to predict how life is going to go and how things will pan out. After seeing Dr Lowe the feeling is that he may be 3 or more before he can walk on his own and he will have life long problems with co-ordination. This makes me sad and if I sit and think about it for to long it makes me very sad. I am now adding to the stress by thinking about the MRI. Zachary has to go under a general for the MRI because he stay very still - try asking an 18 month old to 'stay very still' at any time! I really don't like the thought of him 'going under' even for the short time it will be - what if he has a reaction? Silly I know but the thoughts are still there. What if they don't find anything? Then what? At least if they find anything then we will sort of have a concrete answer and more of an idea of the severity of things (or mildness I hope!). I have to wake him up at 4:30am and feed him because he can only have breast milk after 2am and nothing after 5am. We have to be at the hospital by 7am for admission and hopefully they get the MRI done soon after as I can imagine he is going to be very hungry! Ashlee, Mitchell and Anna will stay at my mum's as I'm not sure how long we will be there. This will be the first time Anna has gone anywhere without Zach too. How will she go?

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. On Thursday December 18th Zach has an appointment with Hilary again to do some more physio and we will also pick up some equipment that will make things a bit easier around here. A standing frame (so he isn't hanging off my legs constantly), a bath seat (because he is now to big for the baby ones and tips it over) and we are also looking into getting a weighted trolley for him to practice some walking. We will be seeing the OT (Occupational Therapist) soon too.

All these has just been on my mind and I needed to get it out so if you have read this far 'Thank You'......